The Velveteen Daughter by Laurel Davis Huber

Author:Laurel Davis Huber
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: She Writes Press
Published: 2017-10-19T04:00:00+00:00

pamela

In May, when we returned to the city, Diccon stayed on in the mountains.

What was wrong? I couldn’t understand why Diccon stayed in the country so long. The six months would soon be gone, he’d be going back to England. Was he really going back to Nancy? Would he leave without a word to me? I wrote him several letters, asking when he’d be coming back to the city, but he didn’t reply.

I sank low, then.

Such a bleak time. It’s hard, remembering it.

I stayed in my studio, sleeping late, rousing myself by noon to work into the small hours of the morning. When I was painting I was all right—it took all of me, brain and heart and hands, and I didn’t think of Diccon then. I’d fall into bed exhausted, but when I woke I’d just lie there, staring at the wall, for hours.

Nothing is anything, I’d think. What is wrong with me, why do I make a mess of everything? Why won’t Diccon write? How could he love me, why should he? I’m nothing, nothing at all.

Sometimes, late in the morning, Mam would come over.

“Goodness, Pamela—still in bed? You’re missing a beautiful day!” She’d open the shutters, start some tea, say she’d just come over to let me know Daddy was off to Woodstock, or that she just thought she’d take a break from writing. But she was not just popping in for a visit, I realize that now. I didn’t think of her feelings, how worried she must have been.

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